How I Knew What To Live For

I’ve seen too many people live confused and frustrated, unsure of what to do with their lives. It’s a tragic way to live.

I had my share of this, during a period of my life I chose to call My Dry Season, which lasted for about ten years. I had graduated in flying colours from the University and was eager to face the world. I wanted to make it big, and of course with a very good grade, my flight up the career ladder would be fast and brisk! As I got a job and started work, I suddenly realised that I dreaded waking up on Monday mornings to go to work! The thought of going to the work site or spending the whole day looking through architectural and engineering drawings bored me stiff. I would always heave a sigh of relief whenever it was time to go home. As I struggled to keep up the pace and pretend to my bosses and those around me that I was enjoying every bit of the ride, it suddenly dawned on me that I had no passion whatsoever for what I had spent 4 years of my life studying in the University!  I was frustrated, confused and almost depressed.

I kept asking myself, “What should I do? Perhaps, when I meet that special ‘bro’ and we get married, I would feel better”.  So the ‘sister in waiting’ prayers started. “Lord let me be found by the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh. Order his steps my way, in a supernatural way, let our paths cross…” (If you know what I mean). Well, God in His faithfulness began His work in this aspect of my life and within a year, I was married to a ‘correct brother’ who not only loved the Lord but was also taller than me! (Don’t ask me why this was very important to me o! Can I hear someone say ‘Praise the Lord’?)

As the days, weeks and months went by in marriage, I suddenly realised that though I was married to a ‘correct brother’ and had a happy home, something was still missing. I still had not discovered myself. I concluded “… maybe when I start having children, then I will feel better…” And again the Lord showed up, and within a few years, the babies began to arrive. The arrival of my first son actually gave me a good reason to quit my job and stay home to look after him. However, as the bundles of joy continued to arrive and I became consumed with playing the role of a mother, deep within me I still felt something was missing in my life. Please, do not get me wrong. I was happy being the wife to a wonderful husband and mother to lovely children. However, I had a yearning within me to discover something I felt was missing. I then discovered that you do not marry primarily to discover purpose, but to fulfil purpose. No wonder Mother Theresa despite being a nun lived a happy and fulfilled life. She discovered purpose and fulfilled it to the fullest till she took her last breath.

As I continued on this quest, I said to myself yet again. “Maybe if I start a business, and begin to make some good money, I will find what I am looking for…” I then began a tailoring business in one of the rooms  in my house, bought machines, employed a tailor and was ready to hit the market. Not long after, I discovered it was not my thing. Then I found out that selling bags of sachet water (pure water) was a lucrative business at that time. I began to supply some restaurants, and again discovered that I could not keep up the zeal. “What could be wrong with me?” I asked myself. Shortly after the failure of the pure water business, I heard that loads of people were making money from running gift shops. Behold, I went to town, rented a shop in a good location, stocked it with lovely gift items and was ready to make some big money. Sadly, I could not renew my rent for the shop after the expiration of my two-year rent.

At this stage of my life, I had gone from confusion to frustration to near depression. “What could be wrong with me?” I asked myself over and over. “Was I doomed to be a failure in life? Was this how I would continue wasting energy and resources all my life in search of purpose? Was I just being lazy?” I then began to pray and cry to the Lord for an answer and help. A short while after this, the answer came in a book by author and preacher- Mike Murdock, called ‘The Assignment’. The Lord definitely used the book to open my eyes to see the answers I had longed for.

In the book, the author talked about how each one of us has a purpose and an assignment to fulfil on earth, and how God has uniquely packaged everyone with the right combination of gifts, talents and passion to help us fulfil this assignment. He noted that whatever a person can do effortlessly, without having learnt it from anywhere, is a pointer to his assignment. “Wow!” I said to myself, “this is the answer I have been looking for!” I began to ask myself what my gifts and talents were, and realised that right from a young age, I had loved reading and writing. I also noted that all through school, though I was a Science major, my favourite subjects were those that involved a lot of writing and speaking. I discovered that I could write for hours without getting tired. As a young girl, I would record speeches I prepared in a cassette player and listen to it over and over again. As a matter of fact, at that time, I had tons of note books that I had scribbled all sorts of things in over the years, that I felt were not important. It suddenly dawned on me that I really do have a purpose and there must be a reason God gave me the ability and passion to write and speak tirelessly.

This was the turning point in my life. I discovered that what I had considered ordinary and unimportant was actually a pointer to my divine assignment on earth. To the glory of God, I began to write and speak like never before, treating this divine grace not like an ordinary thing anymore, but as a unique ability that God has placed within me to help me fulfil His assignment for my life. Now I have found fulfilment, purpose and joy. Am I there yet? No, but I know I am on the right track, and as long as I let Him lead the way, I will reach my goal in Jesus name.

Was the 10-year dry season a wasted period of my life? Absolutely not, because God used the experience to fire a passion within me to reach women who might still be in that phase. I have a message of hope for them- the fact that they really do have a purpose and have been uniquely packaged by God to fulfil it. And I express this through my books and messages. After all, the Bible says “…Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort that we ourselves are comforted by God” (2Cor.1:4).

Dear friend, never look down on any ability and talent you have. It is a pointer to what God wants you to accomplish for Him here on earth. It is a clue to your divine purpose and assignment. God bless you.