When You Are Attracted To Your Colleague

It was past mid-day. My intercom rang and I picked the call. He had simply invited me over to his office. I briskly walked to his office anxiously awaiting the ‘gist’.

“Hi, so what’s up? Why did you call?” I asked. He stood and walked towards me with arms wide open, gave me a hug and requested for a kiss. Strange! I pushed him back as hard as I could, and made a quick dash for the door.

I got to my office with my heart in my throat… Wow! I knew what the matter was but I didn’t expect it to get to this level, especially since he’s a ‘mature’ believer. I couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand, as I wondered at the type of demon or devil that suddenly obsessed my brother!

The telephone rang again… Unfortunately, I could not tell who it was due to the fact that it was an analog phone. “Yeah, hello,” I said hesitantly. “I am very sorry, please forgive me”. He apologised profusely. He later on had a tearful meeting with me to apologise. The situation definitely impacted our relationship.

This episode happened earlier in my career as a young married woman. I had always worked amongst many men of different faith and belief. Here was a Christian friend and senior colleague who had some issues with his marriage and was temporarily separated. I knew about the status of his marriage and we occasionally discussed the matter. Unknown to me, he had been attracted to me.

Marriage does not exempt us from getting attracted to other people, if an atmosphere conducive for such is created. And the workplace provides a place of interaction, fondness and possible attraction, if not checked.

Incidentally, we spend more time at work than with our spouses at home, so anything can happen if we are not careful.

It’s very important to know that others may be attracted to you just as you may be attracted to them.

There are many reasons for this attraction:

1. Physical attraction due to beauty, panache, elegance or style.
2. Physical attraction due to seductive dressing and inviting mannerism.
3. Emotional attraction due to intellectualism and intelligence. This may occur when a wife is not career minded and cannot effectively relate with her husband on intellectual matters (Sisters, please take note and ensure you are able to at least relate to your husband’s career or business). This, in my estimation was a major source of my colleague’s attraction to me in the story above.
4. Emotional attraction due to pleasantness, kindness and availability (listening ear). This may happen if the other party is such fun to be with.
5. Sexual attraction due to ‘starvation’. This may occur to married couples whose spouses are not available or within reach to satisfy them sexually.
6. Other reasons.

You can be attracted to your colleague, boss, peer, superior etc. due to the above reasons too, so be watchful please.

Some antidotes to this temptation are as follows:

1. You must build your marriage on trust, such that matters of attraction can be readily discussed. I told my husband about the experience I shared above. I also recall that he shared a similar incidence with me early in our marriage. He was attracted to their office’s secretary. Trust how hot my prayers were against ‘every devil’ in skirt or trousers!

2. You must be careful about who you make your confidant at work. Never choose the opposite sex as your confidant under any circumstances, even if he is an apostle! It often leads to lust.

3. Be careful how you relate to single men or married men who have issues in their marriages or those who have ‘overseas’ wives. I am not suggesting that you should not relate to such people, but please be sensitive.

4. Discuss the attraction with your husband (if he can manage it) or trusted friends for counsel and prayers.

5. Kill that carnal thought about your colleague before it blossoms. Don’t dwell on his looks. Dwell and think on things that are pure and holy.

6. Reduce contact with any guy once you start getting attracted or enjoy his presence and companionship unnecessarily. You know these things sister! That is not the time to hang around him with seductive dressing and suggestive comments! You are God’s temple and you have been bought with a price.

7. Invest in your marriage to make your husband remain your friend and brother. You will definitely have issues but resolve them and keep making him the type of man you desire with love and respect.

8. Decline a trip that would involve just you and the person you are getting attracted to, if possible. He may have the same carnal thoughts as you do and your resistance might be too low to handle your togetherness in a secluded environment.

9. Fasting and prayers would knock off all carnal, fleshy tendencies if genuinely done. You can’t survive without the word of God on a continuous basis, sisters! Study to SHOW yourself approved! Renewal of your mind is non-negotiable.

10. Make your citizenship known to all and sundry. The shame of condescending to such behaviour as a ‘sister’ would check-mate you.

The above points are definitely not exhaustive please.

In conclusion, let anyone that thinks she stands take heed, lest she falls. Don’t give room to the devil!

Maybe you already fell into this trap, you should sincerely ask for God’s forgiveness, confess to a trusted friend and pray together for healing. Schedule a formal meeting in an open place to break off the affair, ask for the fellow’s forgiveness (where and if possible), let him know it was an error and a sin, and that you regret giving in. Walk in God’s fresh liberty and do His bidding going forward.

You must be HOLY, for the Lord your God is HOLY. Shalom